In the midst of what will be their 18th losing season in a row - that's right, there are high school graduates in Pittsburgh who have no idea what an 82 win season looks like - the Pittsburgh Pirates extended the contracts of their GM Neal Huntington and President Frank Coonelly. Now, I'm all in favor of giving people chances to better the team, and I realize that 18 years of losing doesn't change over night; however, that's not where we are going with this right now.
After extending Huntington and Coonelly, the Pirates fired 24-year old Andrew Kurtz for criticizing the extensions. Who is Andrew Kurtz, you may ask? Assistant to the GM? No. Errand-boy for the President? Not a chance. Bat boy? Nope. Kurtz was JALAPEÑO HANNA THE RACING PIEROGI!!!!
The other pierogi's - Chester Cheese, Sauerkraut Sal and Oliver Onion - declined comment on the matter for fear that Randall Simon will be brought back by management to take control of the situation. And by "take control of the situation," they could be referring to his unfortunate assault on the Brewers racer, or the fact that he just might eat them... all.... in one sitting....
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